Daddy's Little Girl .

It is often said, girls are a reflection of their father and have a special place in their heart; for the most part it is true. Girls have a sheltered upbringing, shielding them from various dangers lurking in the society. They are pampered, raised in the most secure environment, taught everything to be ladylike, to run a home, to fulfill all roles that the society deems worthy of being a woman.  There is nothing questionable about this style of upbringing but we are living in dangerous times now. Both developed and developing countries are victims of crimes against women.   India may not be at the top of the list, but the rate at which crimes are reported, the day is not far when we will surpass all nations big or small in crimes against women.

Where we differ from other countries is post crime stigmatization of victims. They need us now, more than ever to stand by them in their fight.    It’s hard to achieve this when women themselves have failed in understanding the trauma faced by such victims. The Bhanwari Devi case, from Rajasthan that sparked nationwide anger had everyone fuming. How could a woman judge pronounce that an upper caste man will not rape a Dalit? The judgment came a long time ago, and various guidelines have been formulated by the apex court of India on how these cases should be handled, but it will be a long haul before we see a drastic change.

One would wonder why this title and what has this got to do with crimes against women? To a large extent it has. The other day I was reading something a friend had written, and it said ' Patriarchy was born, the day we assumed God to be a man. ' So true. Every time a heinous incident takes place, we have debates on educating the men, focus on changing their mindset, stricter laws to end this menace and a hoard of other things, but have we ever seriously focused on equipping our girls with adequate skills to fight such goons? Have we ever focused or stressed on the need to make sure our girls attend self-defense classes? How many parents would tell their daughters to walk with their head held high always, no matter what? How do we expect lawmakers to do something about this situation when we have our leaders making statements like ' Women shouldn't be adventurous at night ' or that 'India as a country has so many thousand years of culture behind it and because of a few crimes you cannot call the entire country unsafe?’

 I am proud of the country and have known some of the finest men in my life, but one cannot deny that there are criminals everywhere, on the street, in offices, colleges, you name the place, and it's not secure. There are no short cuts to any problem; this may not always work to their advantage, but it will help girls stay away from danger to a great extent.  A self-defense course comes much later on. It’s the small things that are drilled into a girl's head ever since she starts understanding that needs to change. 

Father's need to know that they are not going to be around always. Being men themselves, you would expect that know the psychology of another man.   Daddy's little girls should be given wings in the real sense. Let them fly. Provide them with the courage so that they know you have their back every step of the way.  Focus on giving them mental strength, try and raise them in a manner where they can overcome the biggest crisis in life on their own. Set an example fo raising your daughters right.

It’s important that the upbringing deters anyone from committing a crime. Let your little girl be bold, take decisions, ridicule someone if they misbehave, even if that someone is from the family. Most often parents fear that girls will face adjustment issues in their marital home, so they are trained to be meek, agree to almost everything whether wrong or right. The need of the hour is to understand that there is a thin line separating strength from shrewd behavior, and it is the responsibility of the parents to teach them that. This morning I was talking to my father, and being so far away from home I tend to get emotional sometimes, and this morning too I got carried away. My dad asked me, ‘is there a problem, to which I said no. He replied, - "Never disrespect anybody, but live life as if the world is at your feet and no matter what, whenever you turn around you will find me standing there. I too have had a sheltered upbringing, but with changing times things have changed.

When I was learning to drive, my father told me, - 'You have to protect yourself from your mistake and errors of others. Yes, we will continue to fight for stronger laws, for a different upbringing for boys, but meanwhile, we need to equip ourselves, our sisters, our daughters. Let them not be Daddy's little girls anymore but Daddy's brave soldiers who will fight with all their might with the assurance that no matter what the outcome of the match, a medal, a hero’s welcome awaits them at the end of it all.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall - Tell Me All about The Strange Rajput Community !!

On my pleading, the mirror on the wall decided to debunk a hundred misconceptions that people have about our community and form assumptions they think are right. For a culturally diverse country like  India, where a different ritual resides in every home, it's not surprising that misconceptions erupt but never really die down. To add to the myths, creative freedom ( which otherwise finds itself difficult to breathe among all the restrictions) peaks for all the wrong reasons and depicts things that may not be true to a culture. 

That moment when the word Rajput flies out of my mouth, I can see a million questions hovering over someone's mind. Questions like, do you get water in Jaisalmer? Why are there no dances in your wedding processions? Do you get to go out? Why weren't you married off as a child? These are just to name a few. Like many other communities, we have our negatives and with the passage of time we are trying to change and evolve. Our culture is a lot more than the drama you see on the silver screen. All of Rajasthan is not a desert. We have a city of lakes, a beautiful hill station, and the golden city Jaisalmer with sand dunes. The state thrives on tourism, which says a lot about its heritage, diversity in culture, food and beauty in architecture. And yes the desert, Jaisalmer does get a good amount of water supply, probably more than a lot of cities. 

We educate our girls too. They are doing us proud in every field. Though child Marriage is an ugly reality, we are fighting to curb the evil. You'd get a befitting reply if you asked my parents, instead of me why I wasn't married off as a child. Rajput men also cook in the kitchen. My father dishes out some of the best varieties of non-veg I have ever had. They do it for the love of it. Yes, we don't dance at wedding processions, because we don't like it. Period!! But that does not mean we don't know what fun is. You have to attend a Rajput wedding to know the richness of it. Men too join in the revelry. 

We are proud of our clothing, it screams of heritage, culture and elegance. It's not for nothing that breeches worn by Rajput men are famous world over and are called Jodhpurs. I can go on and on about how colourful our attire for women is. I read in a article today that guns that there are multiple guns firing in a rajput baraat ( wedding procession). I am not sure which wedding they went to, because this certainly is not the practice in most households today. It is certainly not the show that has been made out to be. The haldi ceremony is symbolic of purity of the soul and the bride is not secluded. She is dressed in a beautiful yellow poshak(  not an orange saree) and she enjoys all the festivities with the family. If she has to step out of the house she wears something made of metal on her. While there are a lot of gifts involved in the wedding, no one really weighs the jewellery. What age are you living in ? 16th century? 

The article also mentions the obsession with matching horoscopes and its imperative that all stars should align. Yes we do have a horoscope matching exercise but we are not obsessed about all stars aligning or as they say" chatees gun milne chaiye" . The lack of information and desire to  sensationalize is a dangerous thing. Unfortunately it is what sells today. During the dances what someone has called  paison ki bochaar is actually nyochavar over the person who is dancing. It surprises me how one can trivialize such beautiful practices with their choice of words. 

There is more to our food than Daal Baati Churma or Laal maas. Yes, that's the best we have to offer but you have to stay in a Rajput household to know how varied our cuisine is. Television shows or movies never got it right. If only I could sue them for their lack of judgement and willingness to do a thorough  research. One of the famous shows on television these days, a fabulous show in its own way but they got the language and clothes all wrong. Those Idiotic movies in the late eighties showed Rajput men in such bad light. I have known some of the finest gentlemen in my life both from family and outside. 

Our brothers come across as over protective but they are our best friends. You try harming us and they will show you your place like any brother would. Most of our marriages are arranged not forced. There is a difference. I haven't had it easy in life with some things but what I am today is because I was given a brilliant education and a lot of freedom to do things. Life would be so much more beautiful if we looked at the amazing things every culture has to offer and developed on it.